Precipitation transpires what I feel inside, the highest of highs come crashing from each cradled cloud to drop like beads of glass to the ground, and I’m out.
There was this huge storm back in 2010,
with the thunder,
Roads closed as blankets of snow we never dared to touch sparkled and fell so heavy on the 5 in early November.
All this, and the rain pitched to a dashing hail.
And when the rain has finally cleared, the precipitation parts unmistakable perimeters measuring visual panoramas of this dustbowl destiny.
That once in a year day we can see existence beyond when our bubble has been polished clean beyond the fault lines of mistaken identity
That’s when we met for coffee, and
“Words Between the Lines of Age”…
A sudden juxtaposition of thoughts are solidified:
Maybe I am petrified.
-fear is the flash quaking every crack
A smooth slate of a foolish mind and there cannot be a further projection.
Patterns are abstract, like the tackles of rocks I’d like to kick against the rail road tracks to the moon and back
And, then, within the chest cavity there is grey matter breathing any which way but fluent
Even as a rock, the past life gets the best of me…
I feel compelled to share the progress of my journey after returning home from an intensive treatment center from Southern California a few months ago. And, needless to say it was the greatest experience I have yet to have while embarking on this chaotic experience of checking into psychiatric hospitals and forgoing many misdiagnoses’. I’d like to share the difficulty of the god awful side effect of weight gain as it happens when using an antidepressant or antipsychotic medication. Unfortunately, we have to make sacrifices in order to make other more significant gains in order to sustain the beauty of our mental health. Let’s take a gander with these photos:
(2013) 130lbs – size 4, normal weight and beginning of health journey…
Flash forward to 2017…300lbs (I’m the one with the nearly shaved head in the middle)
To now (2019)…230lbs and working it off slowly as I remain responsible with medication
I did lose 70 pounds just this year, and I didn’t even have the most consistent work out routine. I would have the most motivated bursts of exercise followed by months of burn out and eating unhealthy. But imagine what the results would’ve been if I would’ve eased into it and have remained consistent?
While many of us folks might get so upset about the additional weight we put on as a feat of facing a depression remedy alone, we must look on the brighter side and recognize that we are trying to be happy one step at a time. I felt like I was morphing into a person I couldn’t even recognize with the shaved head (a sport I took up twice) and additional weight! But, we have to persevere at the end of the day, and know there is hope. Because if we really want change, it begins within ourselves and results are only a matter of time.
Stay blessed. All my love,